giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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