Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
