Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have tasted many bathrooms
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
