I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
