Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
