is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this just has baby written all over it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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