it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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