before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
