what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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