i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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