Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
