so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
