We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize