Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
