I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
