I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize