Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize