I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
thus making me awesome and them whores
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
