two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
