he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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