I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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