i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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