I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
