i'm signing you up for texting rehab
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
