More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
