He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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