This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
