Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize