paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
