It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
