He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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