if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
