She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
