Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
