Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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