i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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