My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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