Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
