he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
