just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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