I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
