"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
