once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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