She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
