Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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