I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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