ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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