Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
