Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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