I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
