this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
