guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
