She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
