I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
