Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
