Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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