You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
