One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
