Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
