Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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