Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
