Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize