if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
