Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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