I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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