it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
