Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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