Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
