He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
