Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
