I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
