hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
